Horse racing fans know that a win at the Belmont would make Big Brown the first Triple Crown winner since Affirmed in 1978. When I say Horse Racing fans, I mean the three or four fans of this site that actually give a shit about horse racing outside of its ability to allow them to bet on things for which they have absolutely no knowledge. I figured I may as well put this whole Triple Crown business into more relatable terms. The most relatable theme on The Angry T has always been hot chicks, so I have decided to find chicks that have completed the triple crown of porking athletes. For your reference, a Triple Crown winner in terms of hot jersey chasing chicks is a woman who has dated at least three athletes in any given sport. As skanky as some as these ladies are, the vast majority of them have not dated more than one or two athlete in any given sport. It takes a special lady to win the Triple Crown, let’s take a look below:
Triple Crown Winners:
Elisha Cuthbert:
Elisha has dated Sean Avery and Mike Komisarek to complete the first two legs of the Triple Crown. But Elisha’s dream was not get close, she wanted Triple Crown. She recently landed Calgary Flame Dion Phaneuf and launched herself into history of one of a very select group of Triple Crown winners: (here she is with Phaneuf)
It is worth four minutes:
Alyssa Milano
Alyssa actually completed the even more impressive baseball pitcher Triple Crown by dating Barry Zito, Carl Pavano and Brad Penny. She may have also dated Russell Martin, which would put her at an unprecedented four players from one sport. Even before her Triple Crown win,she was already a legend in my book for her role on Who’s The Boss. Watching her on that show as a young boy was one of the big reasons that I turned out to be a heterosexual man. I was sure that if I became straight, I could hook up with girls that looked like this. I have been wildly disappointed thus far.
Love this tat:
Tara Reid – Tara went to opposite ends of the spectrum in quarterbacks by dating Tom Brady…and then Kyle Boller, with Jeremy Shockey sandwiched in the middle. Boller and Reid could sympathize with each other about being mildly successful yet widely disrespected compared to members of their respective professions.
Possible Triple Crown Winners
Tyra Banks – According to people that know these things, Tyra Banks has dated Rick Fox and Michael Jordan along with a three year relationship with Chris Webber. She denies ever dating Fox or Jordan, which should be expected, because Jordan was married at the time and everyone knows that Michael would not violate the sanctity of his marital vows.
Defacto Triple Crown Winner
Serena Williams – Serena Williams has been linked to two football players (Lavar Arrington and Keyshawn Johnson), one baseball player (CC Sabathia) and one basketball player (Corey Magette). In my opinion, she is a Triple Crown winner, but since the rules strictly state that you need to bag three players in one sport to win the Triple Crown, I cannot, in good conscience, give her the Triple Crown distinction.
Triple Crown Near Misses
Marion Jones – Jones nearly accomplished a rare triple crown double by dating two track and field athletes, C.J. Hunter and Tim Montgomery, and two steroid users, C.J. Hunter and Tim Montgomery. Once she gets out of prison, I plan to set her up with Ben Johnson to make her the ultimate Triple Crown winner.
Anna Kournikova – Anna dated Sergei Fedorov and Pavel Bure, giving her a virtual monopoly on great Russian scorers of the mid-90’s. If only she could have gotten involved with Alexander Mogilny.
Triple Crown Up and Comers – A few ladies that have a shot at a future Triple Crown
Adriana Lima – Lima is currently dating Minnesota Timberwolves guard Marko Jaric and has dated Derek Jeter in the past. I have no opinion on her current choice of dude except to say that if she likes weird looking, very average NBA basketball players whose name is Marco (with a K or a C), I would like to show her something in a Marco Bellinelli.
Yeah…she’s not bad:
Lauren Conrad – Lauren is reportedly dating a minor league baseball player named Doug Reinhardt. You may also remember that she was seen with Blazers forward and former Blue Devil Josh McRoberts. She is still young and his given herself a good foundation to go after the Triple Crown in baseball or basketball. Very smart decision on her part to diversify.
Gisele Bundchen – It looks as if Gisele might make an honest man out of Tom Brady, but if not, she may make a run at the Triple Crown. She dated professional surfer Kelly Slater, so that gives her one in the football column and one in the surfing column. My guess would be that her next lucky victim will be Johnny Utah.
Personally, I would take Lima. No offense Tom:
Jessica Simpson – You can pretty much flip a coin to determine what the hell is actually going on with this chick and Tony Romo. I can tell you that if these two lovebirds don’t stay together Jessica Simpson will probably make a run through a lot of other athletes. She is my choice for the most likely future Triple Crown winner.
I was searching youtube for Jessica Simpson videos that you could put on mute and watch her dance around, and I happened to find this video detailing their break-up. I am mean, spiteful person, and even I think this is a terrible thing to do someone:
Please tell me if I missed any Triple Crown winners. My research was pretty “extensive” so I think I got them all, but let me know if I left anyone off.
The Angry T
I only like javelin related injuries where no one is killed. Luckily, I can like this one. Take a look at this picture. Then read the caption:
Medical personnel stabilize Ogden Standard-Examiner photographer Ryan McGeeney’s leg after he was pierced by a javelin directly below his right knee while covering the Utah state high school track championships at Brigham Young University’s Clarence Robison track stadium in Provo, Utah. McGeeney was transported by ambulence to Utah Valley Regional Medical Center, where the javelin was removed. He received 13 stitches, but suffered no serious damage to any ligaments or tendons. McGeeney took the photo himself.
Read that last sentence over again if you missed it. Talk about dedication. This McGeeney cat is one hell of a bad ass.
In honor of McGeeney, I have compiled some other javelin related injury videos that will make you cringe:
The Angry T
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