Welcome back Violent J, who’s making his triumphant return to The Angry T.

TMZ, the same website that reported acquitted murderer Robert Blake was wearing a sleeveless shirt to a restaurant, also was the first to show us Xavier sophomore Jordan Crawford’s two handed facial of King James on Wednesday. You probably haven’t heard of Crawford, since he sat out last year after transferring from Indiana to Xavier, but the thought of anyone posterizing the reigning MVP was exciting news to sports fans everywhere.

As much as we idolize our top athletes and put their accomplishments on pedestals, we almost enjoy watching them get knocked down a few pegs even more. And while some of these humanizing moments happen at the end of their brilliant careers, watching hall of famers get taken down a notch is always interesting at the very least.

Here is just a brief sampling of some of the greatest athletes of all time not looking so great:

Michael Jordan getting crossed over by Iverson

I remember everyone saying how this was a changing of the guard, with Iverson just coming up in the league and Jordan at the very end of his prime. This is probably the closest thing you could compare to the Crawford / James dunk, since the other embarrassing Jordan moments were way out of his prime with the Wizards (missed dunks) and in retirement (losing to a CEO in 1 on 1).

Muhammad Ali vs Larry Holmes

Ali was not allowed out of his corner after the 10th round, and it is widely believed that it was fights like these at the end of his career that have caused the health problems he experiences now. Watching Ali get beat up by a guy he would have absolutely destroyed ten years earlier was sad to watch.

Dikembe Mutumbo wishing he had never wagged his finger

When you are a brash defender who lets people know it, you can expect it to be big news when someone goes nuts to chin on you.

Hulk Hogan loses title to Andre the Giant (RIP)

“Watcha gonna do brotha when emotional side effects of steroids runs wiiiiiiilllllllddddd on you?”

Favre’s 300th Interception

Considering this guys is considered one of the greatest QB’s of all-time, I think its odd that every NFL fan has a memory of him making a terrible throw.

Tiger Woods Failing to make the cut at this year’s British Open

Watching the greatest golfer of all-time not make a cut during a major was major news recently, however even the great ones like Nickalus ( 7 missed cuts before the age of 40) and Palmer (5 missed cuts before the age of 40) fall on their face occasionally at golf’s greatest stages.

Barbaro at the Preakness

Sing along with me:

Like A Comet
Blazing ‘Cross The Evening Sky
Gone Too Soon

Like A Rainbow
Fading In The Twinkling Of An Eye
Gone Too Soon

Shiny And Sparkly
And Splendidly Bright
Here One Day
Gone One Night

Like The Loss Of Sunlight
On A Cloudy Afternoon
Gone Too Soon

Like A Castle
Built Upon A Sandy Beach
Gone Too Soon

Like A Perfect Flower
That Is Just Beyond Your Reach
Gone Too Soon

Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight
Here One Day
Gone One Night

Like A Sunset
Dying With The Rising Of The Moon
Gone Too Soon

Tyson knocked out by Buster Douglas

Will the Lebron James Facial be seen as more shocking then Douglas knocking Tyson out?

Violent J

Popularity: 1% [?]

If this video wasn’t treated like the JFK assassination tape, I’m not sure this dunk would have made headlines.  LeBron James was in the area, but it no way does Jordan Crawford jump straight over LeBron to throw it down.  At long last, watch and enjoy.

Jordan Crawford, in case this does turn out to be the highlight of your life, I would milk this thing for absolutely every penny possible.  If I don’t see you on a box of Wheaties in the next few weeks, I’ll be disappointed.

Popularity: 1% [?]

I’m not sure how this one slipped through my grasp for so long, but we have definitive video of LeBron James farting in Anderson Varejao’s face.  The incident in question took place on January 16th against the Hornets, but the video was only recently posted on youtube.  Take a look:

Poor Anderson gets doused with the most athletic fart in the history of the world and all he can do is wear it, while LeBron laughs.  LeBron might be a rabid anti-European, but I’ll have to find more fart videos to prove that.

The Angry T

Popularity: 1% [?]

Hopefully you had an opportunity to see Lebron’s best Karl Malone impression last night:

Now compare that to Karl’s rendition:

(more…)

Popularity: 1% [?]

By now, most NBA fans have heard that the Greek team Olympiakos is considering making a run at Lebon James. I applaud these wonderful Europeans and their attempts at stealing our NBA talent. Olympiakos has already poached Josh Childress and now they are setting their sights on Bron Bron. You can blame the federal reserve and their monetary policy for losing Josh and we may have to blame them once again for losing Lebron. Some may say, “Why the hell would he go to Greece. He already lives in Cleveland, what more could he possibly want.” Well, I have decided to address that powerful statement, with 10 reasons why Lebron should head to Plato’s backyard to play a little ball.

10. In the off-season, Lebron could become a Greek Shipping Magnate and organize huge stripper boat sex parties with first mate Fred Smoot.

9. He will never again have to hear the words, “LeBron, can you help me apply my ‘cold sore’ medication.”

8. He will never again have to hear the words, “Lebron, can you help Z lather his back. There you go, really work that loffa in there.”

7. LeBron could drop nobody’s like Paul Wall and lay down tracks with the greatest Greek Rappers:

My choice would be Ipoxthonious:

6. His mother would have to fly approximately 5,237 miles to embarrass him after a hard foul.

5. LeBron could make millions on weird European advertisements.

4. LeBron could take advantage of Europe’s huge advantage in the attractiveness of athlete’s wives and girlfriends:

USA – Football QB Kurt Warner

Europe – Soccer player – Ashley Cole

3. He will never have to worry about showering after a game, as my “Big Book of Stereotypes,” tells me that
all Europeans are filthy. Isn’t that right Luis? And Fabricio? And Mehmet? (If you consider Turkey a part of Europe)

2. LeBron could make several billion dollars by starring in, “My Big Fat Greek Paycheck,” where he steals the chick from the first one from her husband, only to realize that she is hideous.

1. Since LeBron already thinks of himself as deity, he can recreate and update Greek mythology to include himself as Zues and the beautiful Josh Childress (and because of the Afro) as Aphrodite.

You’re welcome LeBron.

The Angry T

Popularity: 1% [?]

Popularity: 1% [?]

The NBA MVP race is coming down to the wire. Four NBA superstars, including Kevin Garnett, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James and Chris Paul, have an opportunity to take home the crown. I have some bad news for anyone who was mentioned above whose name is not Kobe Bryant: you aren’t going to win. This is Kobe’s award. Call it a lifetime achievement award, call it an belated congratulations for beating those rape allegations, call it what you will, but make sure you know this is Kobe’s award. Did Chris Paul and Kevin Garnett orchestrate a bigger turnaround for their teams that Kobe did this season? Yes. Did Lebron James have better numbers and arguably establish himself as the most dominate offensive player in the league? Yes. All that logic is useless in the face of the Lakers securing the #1 seed and Kobe learning to play nice with his teammates.

But enough about who will probably win, I want to talk about who is most deserving. The MVP, or Most Valuable Player, for all you laymen out there, should have an impact on their team in a number of ways, not just on the court. Who has the hottest wife or girlfriend? Who has the best house? Who allegedly sexual assaulted a hotel worker on a road trip? These are the things that voters should look at. The basketball prowess of these for athletes is well known and pretty comparable across the board. It is the intangibles, which will be describe below, that will determine the winner:

Wives and Girlfriend:

Garnett – Wife Brandi

Chris Paul – Girlfriend Jada

Kobe – Wife Vanessa

LeBron – Girlfriend Savannah

Winner:

In my humble opinion, Garnett’s wife narrowly edges Kobe.

Digs:

Garnett: Former Home in Minnesota (We will count this one since he hasn’t had adequate time to find a house that suits his tax bracket (186 million dollar earned thus far in his career)

Chris Paul – Here is a slideshow with photos of Chris’ house.

Kobe – Here is Kobe’s Home in 2001. It has been 7 years, but I wouldn’t ever move out of this place if I were him: (You can scroll through that gallery as well)

LeBron – LeBron’s 35,000-square-foot house is on the order of 25 times larger than the outdoor cave that I live in. I can’t imagine, even with an aquarium, that his place has the wildlife that my place does.

Winner:

Kobe narrowly edges out LeBron on the strength of his locale. (Newport Beach vs. Akron)

Style:

Garnett –

Chris Paul –

Kobe –

LeBron –

Winner:

Nothing beats the zubaz pants, even Kobe’s suit above. Kobe wishes he could be half as stylish as the LeBron on the diving board.

Their Shoe:

Garnett:

Chris Paul:

Kobe Bryant – Zoom Kobe III

LeBron James –

Winner:

Paul wins this one because I need a shoe that I cannot only wear to play basketball, but also throw on with a suit to go to a wedding or a funeral.

Tattoos:

Garnett - Has “Blood Sweat Tears” and “Sky’s The Limit” tattooed on his right upper arm, along with a picture of two hands cradling a globe. Has “Malik Sealy RIP” (teammate and friend who died in car accident) tattooed on his right forearm.

Chris Paul – No tattoos

Kobe – That crown is for his wife, his “queen.” But what about the…oh never mind,

LeBron James – That Lions is pretty legit, although I have to say that “Chosen 1” across his back is probably the best he has. I was considering a similar tattoo across my back, which would have said “Anthony,” in Greek letters, with a beer can and a naked chick under it. Instead I got “Thug Life,” across my stomach. To this point I have intimidated .5 people.

Winner

Garnett takes this one because I love the “two arms cradling a globe” tat, and because Malik Sealy is a former Piston.

And your MVP is….

Kevin Garnett took the Wife/Girlfriend and tattoo category and secured his place as the 2008 MVP. It didn’t hurt that he took his team from 24 wins all the way to 65 (with one game to play).

The Angry T

Popularity: 1% [?]