Congrats to the old boy. He worked hard for 8 years to earn about 50 gold medals and its time for him to relax a bit. I’m sure media members and every one out there with a soap box will make a huge deal about Michael smoking weed, and then those same people will go to dinner with their wives, drink two bottles of Pinot Grigio and get drunk as hell. Best quote in the entire story:

“He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming in the pool. He was the gold medal winner of bong hits. Michael ended up getting a little paranoid, though, because before too long he looked like he was nervous and ran out of the place.”

I’m also very sure this is the first time this dude has ever smoked and it’s completely safe to say that he never smoked, even once, leading up to his completely annihilation of everyone else in the swimming world at the 2008 Olympics.

Maybe those clowns who make the marijuana commercials can draw one up for Phelps, “Just tell your family you just won 8 gold medals because you were high.”

Or, Michael Phelps saying, “Gold Medals are my Anti-Drug…Although I do love to get high, so its more like Marijuana is my drug and gold medals are what I win, even though I occasionally use marijuana.”

It’s got a great ring to it.

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I would like to welcome Josh Howard to a growing, but still exclusive NBA club. Go ahead, Qyntel Woods, hand Josh his certificate and welcome him into the NBA “I Can Play Just as Well High Team.”

Marc Cuban has responded Josh Howard’s alleged marijuana and I completely agree with Marc’s position.  Do you think this was the first time that Josh ever smoked?  I have to believe that he has been smoking for a few years now, and playing quite well I might add.  The Mavs didn’t lose in the playoffs because Josh got high the night before the game, they lost because New Orleans was a better basketball team top to bottom. 

We are welcoming Josh to the team and giving him the starting small forward position.  This is a pretty formidable team, if they sober up enough to realize they are playing a game.  Here they are ladies and gentlemen, “The NBA All-High Team.” Each and every one of these players has at least been accused of smoking weed and several  of these gentlemen actually have some marijuana arrests:

Center – Kareem Abdul Jabbar – Kareem was arrested in the Toronto Airport for possession of marijuana.  I have to believe that he smoked a bit during his career and that didn’t stop him from setting the NBA record for most points in a career.  Maybe more people should smoke…I am talking to you Michael Olowokandi.

Power Forward – Rasheed Wallace – There has never been a better exchange between a police officer and a civilian than this conversation:

Police Officer: Is there any weed in this vehicle sir?

Rasheed Wallace: Not anymore officer, we smoked it all.

Small Forward – Josh Howard – How could this team possible win with Avery punching people in the nuts?

Shooting Guard – Allen Iverson – Possession of marijuana, among other things.

PG – Mookie Blaylock – I refuse to believe that Mookie has ever done anything wrong in his life.  My world would come crashing down if I thought that Mookie wasn’t perfect in every way.

The Bench

C – Robert Parrish – The Chief had marijuana sent to his home through the mail, which is almost as smart as taking it through the airport. (I didn’t think there was any record of Parrish smiling)

PF – Chris Webber – Racial profiling at its finest…probably.

SG / SF – Isaiah Rider – Rider is going for the felony sampler, which includes a drug arrest, kidnapping and assault.  God bless the dreamers. This is what he is capable of if he isn’t busy kidnapping people:

SG – Vernon Maxwell – Read that article and tell he Mad Max isn’t a team guy.

PG – Damon Stoudamire – I can’t think of anything smarter than trying to smuggle 1.5 ounces of marijuana through an airport, except setting off the metal detector, and then placing said marijuana in one of those plastic bins.

PF – Shawn Kemp – He just has a lot of problems.

C – Marcus Camby – The Toronto police is out for blood, just ask Kareem.

Coach – Doc Rivers – Either he is high or he is a god awful coach. For his sake, I choose to believe the former.

This is a damn good basketball team.  This is most definitely a playoff team and potentially a playoff contender in today’s NBA.  They team will have to play out of Amsterdam though, because marijuana is legal in the Netherlands.   David Stern won’t mind, this game is going global anyway.  We need teams in Paris, London, Rome and the like.  And like they say, when in Amsterdam, smoke a blunt like the Amsterdamians do.

The Angry T

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I don’t feel like an old man, but it is obvious that kids are starting to venture away from the three beers and then puke kind of fun I used to have when I was in high school. Here is an example.

What would a skull bong look like? Like this perhaps:

Or like this:

Or maybe like this:

Whatever a skull bong actually looks like, I have to imagine that you can have just as much fun robbing a grave and stealing a skull as you would have smoking out of said stolen human skull. Hello Friday night.

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