Now, if I had the money to pay for around 10 billboards I would definitely put lots of pictures of this chick on said billboards. 

Obviously, the Michigan State fans that have been putting up the billboards below are more interested in pointing out the Michigan Wolverines’ athletic ineptness:

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Whether it’s the Curse of the Bambino, the Madden Curse or the SI Cover Curse, it is pretty apparent that sports fans think that the supernatural sometimes, if not often, plays a major role in the outcomes of their favorite teams.  Well after watching the University of Michigan scratch, claw and overthrow their way to a 16-6 thriller over Miami (OH), I would like to add another curse to the sporting world: The Adidas Football Curse.

Now I really didn’t have any opinion on the matter when Michigan inked an 8-year deal with Adidas and got rid of their swooshes.  Michigan’s deal with Nike in the early 90’s was a huge deal at the time, but several schools had switched over to Adidas already so I figured it wasn’t that big of a deal.  That’s until I took a look at who was affiliated with Adidas.  Here is the list of Adidas clients who would be considered their top endorsers:

Pittsburgh

Michigan

Wisconsin

Nebraska

Louisville

Notre Dame

UCLA

Arkansas

Tennessee

Texas A&M

Kansas

Now some of these schools have had some success in the 3-striped jerseys, but for the most part each of these programs has been in steady decline (besides Kansas).  Not only did this group go 80-60 last year, which is pathetic considering the cupcake non-conference schedules that most of these teams played, but you could make the case that each of these schools, with the exception of Kansas, were considerably better football programs 10-15 years ago when they were not with Adidas.  In 1997, Michigan and Nebraska split the national championship.  The following year Tennessee beat Florida State to capture the first BCS championship.  You could easily make the case that in the 1990’s, Michigan, Nebraska, Notre Dame, Tennessee, Texas A&M (seven top-15 finishes in the decade) were five of the top 15 programs of the decade.  Meanwhile, UCLA (three Pac 10 Championships), Wisconsin (three Big Ten Championships) and even Northwestern (who is now Adidas) were having 2 or 3 magical seasons during this time.

Flash forward to this season, and only Kansas and Wisconsin are predicted to have any kind of BCS bowl game hopes.  So far, the only two big wins for Adidas sponsored schools this year are against other Adidas sponsored schools (Bowling Green over then ranked Pittsburgh, UCLA over Tennessee).  Michigan, Texas A&M, Louisville, Notre Dame and Nebraska are all in some stage of rebuilding mode.

I’m not sure why Adidas went after these programs, or why these programs accepted their offer, but I would feel a lot better if Michigan was running out with that Nike swoosh next Saturday.  I would also feel a lot better if they had a quarterback who could complete more then 51.8 % of their passes.  But thankfully the Fighting Irish are double-cursed with Adidas jerseys, a botched stomach stapling coach, and a quarterback who poses in pictures like this:

-Violent J

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Michigan fans, remember Justin Boren? For those of you not in the know, Justin is the offensive lineman who left Michigan during spring practice and did the unthinkable and transferred to Ohio State. You may want to divert your eyes from the picture of former Michigan Wolverine Justin Boren below.

Disgusting isn’t it? We have chosen to honor this former Michigan man below with nine other examples of sporting Benedict Arnolds:

10. Adrian Peterson

Growing up as a Texas athlete, you are taught two things: how to play football and how to hate Oklahoma.  So, when Adrian Peterson put on an Oklahoma hat at the 2003 Army All-American, he devastated an entire state.  Earning the nickname “A.D. (All Day),” Peterson set an NCAA record for freshman rushing yards.  Texas got the last laugh, winning 2 of the 3 games they played against Oklahoma in Peterson’s career.

9. Brock Berlin

After winning several National Player of the Year awards in High School, Berlin chose the University of Florida as his college destination.  He couldn’t beat out Rex Grossman for the starting QB job, though.  Grossman and Berlin were in the same class, so Berlin saw the writing on the wall.  And transferred to Miami.  After sitting out in 2002, Berlin got his revenge in 2003 by engineering Miami’s largest comeback in school history… against Florida.

8. Adam Banks

Adam Banks, of Mighty Ducks fame, is the only person on this list to have betrayed his team twice.  First, leaving the Hawks to go to the Ducks.  Second, moving from the Varsity to the JV.  He probably learned a thing or two from his coach, Gordon Bombay, who also betrayed the Hawks and his former coach in favor of the Ducks.

7. Desmond Howard/Charles Woodson

Hating Michigan becomes second nature in Ohio.  So, for two high-profile football recruits to both play for Michigan and win Heisman trophies in the process had to put a stake through the heart of Ohioans everywhere.  Oh, and they went a combined 7-0 against Ohio State.

There is no doubt in my mind that Butch Harmon is a tremendous swing coach.  But, let’s be honest.  Tiger Woods made Butch who he is today.  And, after they went their separate ways many years ago, Butch stayed out of the public eye for the most part.  But, in 2007, Butch began to work with Tiger’s biggest competition– Phil Mickelson.  Ironically, Butch took the job less than a year after Phil’s disaster at Winged Foot, a course at which Butch’s father used to be the head professional.

5. Chris Chelios

We could only ignore hockey for so long.  After playing 9 years in a Chicago Blackhawks uniform and becoming a fan favorite, Chelios signed with the archrival Detroit Red Wings in 1999.  Chelios seemed to be at the end of his career at age 39, so moving to the archrival seemed like a real slap in the face to Chicago fans.  Even more of a slap in the face is that Chelios went on to play nine productive seasons with the Red Wings winning 2 Stanley Cups.

4. Eric Mangini

Bill Belichick basically jumpstarted Mangini’s career.  He hired Mangini in Cleveland and again as his defensive backs coach in New England.  In 2005, Mangini was promoted to Patriots’ defensive coordinator.  Two years later, he turned Bill Belichick in to spark the Spygate controversy.  Could you imagine Lloyd Carr releasing sex tapes of Bo Schembechler?  This would be the equivalent.

3. Justin Boren

The most recent betrayal on the list took one of the biggest rivalries in all of sports to a whole new level.  Once you step on the campus at either Ann Arbor or Columbus, you develop an instant hatred for the opponent.  So, for Justin Boren, son of a former Michigan football player, to transfer from Michigan to Ohio State was the ultimate slap in the face.  His departure also left into question both Rich Rodriguez’s family values and Boren’s own work ethic.  It’s hard to argue with the latter taking the picture into account.

2. Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

It’s understandable to not want to live in your father’s shadow, especially when your father is Dale Earnhardt.  But, if you have the same name as him and you STILL choose to pursue the same career as him, you have no choice but to follow his path.  So, for Junior to not only sign with a different racing team, but to drag his father’s old company through the mud in the process, is inexcusable.

1. Johnny Damon

Damon helped complete the most epic comeback in all of sports history against his archrival with 2 HR’s (including a Grand Slam) in Game 7 against the Yankees.  In the same postseason (2004), he hit a HR in the World Series against the Cardinals to help the Red Sox claim their first World Championship since 1918.  Damon would have been welcome in Boston for as long as he wanted to stay.  Instead, he signed with the New York Yankees following the 2005 season–the same team he fought against for five years as a member of the Red Sox.  And Boston fans do not forget.  Ask Johnny Damon.

The Massacre

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This past month the greatest football rivalry in the country started a few months early as both Michigan tailback Kevin Grady and Ohio State’s Doug Worthington have recently wagered in a unfriendly game of one-upmanship as they were both arrested for DUI this month.  The Michigan-Ohio State rivalry does not just happen on the football field as to see who is better, it is constantly debated in several different stages.  For instance it is a fact that Ohio State is better then Michigan at drinking motor oil, wearing overalls, and incest.  Meanwhile Michigan has a clear advantage over Ohio State in reading, holding a steady job, and not drinking motor oil.  However neither side has been able to tell who was better at getting arrested for a DUI until now.  Let’s take a look at both stories.

The Kevin Grady Story: Where a picture is worth two words: not guilty

Grady, who missed all of last year with a knee injury, is most known for backing up Mike Hart for two years and refusing to show any ability to make a defender miss.  He was pulled over weeks ago in his 2007 GMC YUKON DENALI, which is what everyone in college is driving around in, right?  Michigan’s legal limit is .08, but Grady really wanted to impress his new coach Rich Rodriguez so he blew a .28, which on the drunk scale is above fucked up and just below retarded. 

Grady was hauled into the police station where he posed for his mugshot:

Now we don’t know for sure that he was so drunk, but from this picture we know that he could barely open his eyes and he appeared cross-eyed.  Perhaps his eyelids were heavy because the Kent County Jail staff was keeping him up past his bedtime.  Or maybe they were making him look at one of those 3-D pictures where you have to cross your eyes to see the unicorn.

When he awoke the next morning, the judge found Grady “unable to render intelligent or knowing acknowledgment of the charges.”  However everyone knows that Grady doesn’t get his mind working until he has had two bowls of frosted flakes, and the jail only had fruit loops.
Despite all of this, when Grady was arraigned on July 9th he pleaded NOT GUILTY!  Is this a great country or what?  I guy who blows 3 times the legal limit, looks like he has down syndrome in his mug shot and is too drunk to acknowledge what the judge is saying the next morning still decides to claim his innocence.  I know he’s trying to buy some time and also plead out before his August 14th trial date, but he’s also setting the bar quite high in terms of DUI stupidity.  Can Ohio State beat that?

The Doug Worthington Story: Practice doesn’t start at 3:13 AM

The 20-year-old Buckeye DT takes a quick lead over Grady because he is only 20, making his DUI even more impressive.  Surprisingly the legal limit is the same in Ohio at .08 and Worthington inched by at .095.  Doug also thought it would be good publicity to be arrested right outside Ohio Stadium. After he failed a sobriety test which consisted of walking a straight line and he explained why his license plate reads BLESD84 (he choose it over SUPARSTER84 and SAKMASTIR84).

 Speaking of his vehicle, there was an interesting debate recently as to wheter the Columbus Dispatch should have mentioned in their article that Worthington was boozing around in a 2004 Cadillac Escalade (they didn’t).  But why would they?  The Columbus Police Department didn’t acknowledge the car either.  The police report mentioned that Worthington drove a “White Cadillac station wagon.”  But when real reporters checked the VIN number they found it registered as an Escalade.  Here are a few other car descriptions The Columbus Police have cited for tickets:

“FUEL EFFICIENT BLUE CAR”

“GETS YOU FROM POINT A TO B……ALSO RED”

“MOM-MOBILE”

Worthington matched Kevin Grady’s gusto by also pleading not guilty, and perhaps did one better by having his attorney file the not-guilty plea for him.  He is scheduled for court as well, where he will put up a defense that will more then likely place 3rd string punter Tyson Gentry at the scene and behind the wheel.

Congratulations to both outstanding programs who have shown their dedication to stringing along the justice process and also placing both players under suspension (Grady has already been suspended, while Worthington may be, the last OSU first time DUI offender was not, everyone deserves at least one free DUI right?) for cupcake early season games (that comment was for Ohio State only because we all know what Michigan is capable of against shitty teams).  Let’s applaud both fine athletes for showing that despite this rivalry, we can find common ground in driving a vehicle 20 miles over the speed limit and almost killing themselves and others. 

Violent J

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