If you’re reading this site you likely have several billion dollars laying around.  Through my own research, I’ve found out that most of the people that read this site:

A. Own their own Ponzi scheme and have bilked all of West Palm Beach out of hundreds of millions of dollars

B.  Have made their fortune running interstate Donkey Show rings, which, as you might expect, are slightly more entertaining than the concept sounds

C. Give people sleeper holds and then stick $100 bills down the mouth’s of their unlucky victims

I’m not sure exactly sure where you fall in those three categories, I just know you do.  That means you have money burning a hole in your pockets.  Well, we all know that no one can squander a fortune quite like an athlete.  The latest athlete to be bilked out of their fortune or (give it away to young ladies working their way through college and massage school) is Sergei Federov:

At least the former almost Mr. Kournikova got his money back, which is more than we can say for some of the other guys on this list

Evander Holyfield - The Real Deal managed to lose an absurd amount of money.  He also managed to buy a house in suburban Atlanta that covered 54,000 square feet.  Apparently he used to invite 4,000 kids over to his house for Fourth of July fireworks.  Nice touch, although I think he rather have the money back for all those Roman candles.

Now after reading that awful story, you would assume that Riddick Bowe came out of that rivalry with the upper hand in and out of the ring.  Of course, you’re be wrong:

Cecil Fielder - My favorite childhood baseball player is probably the reason I enjoy gambling so much. I’m still trying to fit in with my hero. I guess I’m thankful he chose gambling over of heroin.  I would have followed Cecil into the gutter with a used syringe and the stench of garbage and Cecil’s used jock strap from a mid-august homestand in LA on my person.

Scottie Pippen - This one is almost as hard to explain as Holyfield’s bankruptcy.  Pip made $120 million (in salary alone) in his 18 seasons and seems to have managed to squander all of it.  While he may not be broke, he’s refusing to may $5 million he owes US Bank and he admitted to be bilked for $27 million by his agent.

His face is fairly equine-esque, and  he’s a pretty great athlete, so if he’s looking to change careers, thoroughbred racing might be an option.  All he really has to do is snap a tibula or two and America would fall in love with him again, ala Barbaro.  Then all Pip has to do is let the donations roll in.  I think Barbaro is second only to the Sultan of Brunei in net worth after millions of idiots sent donation money to help have that beautiful beast.  In the mean time, they couldn’t wait to ignore that homeless people that they have to walk past on the way to work.  If only those bums could run faster, they might be able to eat today.

Charles Barkley - Sir Charles admitted to losing 50-60 million dollars at the tables.  At the same time, he spews these hilarious lines on TNT and Haney Project for viewers not to worry about his gambling, because “I’m still rich baby.”  I’m certain that that line isn’t foreshadowing for a future financial disaster of epic proportions for Sir Charles.

Mike Tyson - I can’t even talk about the hundreds of millions of dollars this guy lost without puking, and this company is out of warranty.  Look at this human apocalypse on your own time.

and finally…

Lenny Dykstra – Now, I can’t say that I’m happy that anyone on this list went bankrupt, but if I did crack a smile about any of these guys losing it all, it was Nails.  Ironically, while Dykstra was charging clients thousands of dollars for his services as a financial guru, he was losing money hand over fist while get sued by over 20 of the same people that relied on him for help.  According to his Chapter 11 filing, Dykstra lost $50 million dollars in 2008.

It sounds to me like the fraud pot is calling the fraud kettle black when Lenny accuses the bank of wrong-doing.  No more than 2 years ago, Lenny was hailed as a stock picking genius…

My how things can change in a year…or two or three, just ask any of the men on this list.

The Angry T

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I have absolutely no clue how he does it, but Mike Tyson can still pull.  Here is Iron Mike walking into a London club with some hot chick from UK’s Big Brother named Aislewyne Horgan-Wallace.  Here is some more evidence of her hotness:

I guess he is the former heavyweight champ and I guess he is still one of the most recognizable sports figures in the world, so it can’t be too hard for him to pick up these kinds of chicks.  On the other hand, he probably has several emotional and psychological disorders and a large facial tattoo, which I have to imagine deter him from picking up these kind of chicks.
In any event, he did pick up this chick, so good for him.
The Angry T

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Just like John says at the 2:25 mark, “Don’t underestimate the fat man.”

I can’t imagine John was knockin’ back a few pops that day. I always take off my shirt and shoes in the middle of a golf course when I’m sober. Judging by his birdie putt (2:40 mark), John may need a little work on his short game, and his core.

Watch this video and tell me you don’t love this guy.

I really love athletes who let themselves go, whether they do it during their career, or wait until after they retire. I even get why they do it in most cases. For most of their natural life they had to train, and watch what they eat. For a lot of athletes their career is based on their ability to stay in shape. So, when they retire and no longer have that pressure, it is only logical that they would just say “screw it,” I am doing what I want now. By the way, this is not John Daly’s excuse at all, he is just a fat guy, plain and simple.

Just because I understand it, doesn’t mean I won’t make fun of it. Fat athletes make us feel better about our love handles, spare tires and giant goiters hanging off the side of our face. Below are my Top 10 athletes who let themselves go: (With Then/Now Pics)

10. Charles Barkley

9. Phil Mickelson

8. Mike Tyson

7. Ernie Holmes – #63 – He played around 260 pounds (RIP)

6. George Forman

5. Tony Gywnn

4. Kirby Puckett (RIP)

3. Barry Bonds – He really let himself go, just look how we ballooned up later in his career:

2. Shawn Kemp

1. Diego Maradona

Maybe John isn’t in such bad shape after all.

The Angry T

The Angry T

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