Herschel Walker and his 15,000 situp and 40,000 pushup a day regimine is embarking on a new career in MMA.  His 47 year old six pack will be taking on fighters that probably weren’t even born when he was setting the college football scene on fire in Augusta, GA. 

Even if I didn’t know that Herchel was a 5th degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, I’d still put him among the handful of long retired athletes that could still beat up the majority of the American populace.  There are a few other athletes who fit in Walker’s old guy ass kicker mold.  Let’s explore below:

5. Randy Couture - The old ass-kicker that comes to mind most readily is non-other than former MMA champ and heavyweight contender at age 46, Randy Couture.  Sure his skills have declined but he’s almost as old as Herschel and still able to beat up 99 percent of America.  If I can beat up 1 percent of America at age 46 (including children), I’ll be excited.

4. Bob Gibson – When Bob Gibson is 110 years old I’ll still be afraid of him.  As nice as he might be in real life, every time I see him on television I changed the channel to Lifetime.  One of the best stories about Gibson is that he played a year of basketball with the Harlem Globetrotters before suiting up for the Cardinals.  He quit the Trotters because he didn’t like all the clowning around.  Read that one again if you have to. I’m not sure if the owner went back on a deal not to use the bucket of confetti or pull down a Washington General’s shorts, but Bob wasn’t happy.  He was one serious dude…one seriously scary 73 year old dude.

3. Evander Holyfield – Take a look at the Real Deal in December of last year at age 46.

He did lose his WBA title shot with Valuev by split decision, but he didn’t look like he’d packed on two many pound since his last run at the title.  I’d probably pay $50 to see him fight Tyson quite honestly.  Also, quite honestly, I think they could both use the cash.  Either that, or Evander really loves Taco Bell.

2. Tie Domi – There is no reason not to fear this man, even at age 40.  Like Bob Gibson, I’ll be afraid of him until he’s 90.  He seems like a guy who wants nothing more than to smash your face into plexiglass, and he hold you buy the collar until he finds some, even if you’re no where near an ice rink or plexi-glass distributer.  The only non-tough chink in his armor is that he’s sort of a ladies man, because he’s dating Kelly Carlson from Nip/Tuck, or was up until recently.  If it comes out that she broke up with him because he was beating up everyone that didn’t put vinegar on their fries, but remove that chink.

1A. Charles Oakley – It’s hard to think of a more intimidating NBA player than Oak.  In case you were thinking you could kick Oak’s ass now that he’s out of NBA shape, think again.  He still trains and he’s still 6′9″ 260 and owns Scottie Pippen (below).

1. Ric Flair – Before you dismiss ol’ Rick on the basis of his 36C’s, I want you to remember the percentage of grown, in-shape wrestlers that have broken the figure-four without the help of the ropes.  The only chance these guys had outside of getting to the ropes, was the ultra-rare figure-four reversal.  I would say that happened around 2 percent of the time, and I only ever saw professional wrestlers make it work.  What chance would you possibly have against Ric is 98 percent of the steroid abusing, technically skilled pro wrestlers can’t break his best hold? 0. That’s right.

The Angry T

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I caught this little diddy on break.com and knew I had to attempt to construct a post around it.

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As knockouts go, that is one of the best. It provides the brute force that makes the best knockouts great while throwing the douchbaggery of one competitor in the mix. Best of all, the douchbaggery of George Clinton’s brother in his video gets him knocked the hell out. Youtube is a great resource for many things. One of those things is great MMA knockouts. Let’s take a look at the best youtube has to offer.

(Major hat tip to FightChat.com, I used a couple of their finds from a previous best of list)

25. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT kiss your opponent before a fight. Heath Herring shows you why:

24. This just can’t feel good:

23. Watch that foot:

22. Aleksander Emelianenko vs. James Thompson – The staredown is priceless if you are already aware of the result.

Aleksander_Emelianenko_vs_James_Thompson
by ndekeluka

21. Chris “Red Bull” Willems vs Akoni Nakila – Hands up fella

20. Takanori Gomi vs Ralph Gracie (1 Minute Mark) – This doesn’t happen a Gracie very often

19. Joey Villasenor vs Hank Weis – Poor Hank

18. 1. Chris “The Menace” Clements vs Lautaro Tucas – Never leave your feet unless you are ready to shoot. My fourth grade basketball coach taught me that.

17. Please keep your hands up.

16. Please don’t start crying…please.

15. If both of these guys don’t end up with some kind of brain damage I would be shocked.

14. 1 second knock out –

13. I have to throw this one in there simply because he is an ex-Detroit Lion. He was so used to getting the shit kicked out of him that this beatdown was pretty much par for the course.

12. This guy explodes like a Jack-in-the-Box at the one minute mark. I think he realized he was in an MMA fight at the :58 mark and finally decided to do something about it. That’s no shmuck at the other end of the octagon, that Vanderlei Silva.

11. Sean Loefller vs. Paul Wilborne – (2:45 mark) – I like how they show video of the guy sleeping after the match. He looks so peaceful.

10. If you have any intention of beating an Emelianenko, you better try to hit them in the head with some sort of blunt object several times during a match, or you will probably lose

9. They should probably both keep their hands up

8. I can’t think of a time when a shin to the head would be beneficial

7. Dwayne Lewis vs Aron Lofton – All that training for 15 seconds of fighting, not throwing a punch and then going unconscious.

6. Phil Baroni vs. Dave Menne – Phil uses dudes face as a speed bag for about 10 seconds

melay baloni – MyVideo
5. Neil Grove vs. James Thompson – Human punching bag Thompson makes his second appearence on this list

http://view.break.com/409448 – Watch more free videos

4. Sami Berik vs. Mark Smith – This one gets a little weird at the end when the dude starts twitching uncontrollably

GREATEST 9sec KO By Sami Berik – video powered by Metacafe

3. L.A. Hampton vs. Cliff Curzi – The winner gets hit with a pretty good shot coming in, but that doesn’t stop him from knocking his opponent out cold in four seconds.

2. “Kid” Yamamoto vs. Kazuyuki Miyata – I am pretty glad I wasn’t on the recieving end of that knee

1. I don’t know how the hell he pulled this off

I am sure I messed up in several places, but hopefully I get all the best ones on the list somewhere.

The Angry T

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This man is the most dangerous heavyweight in the world:

He probably finished the fight quickly because he wanted to impress this lovely lady, who was in the attendance with boyfriend Tito Ortiz:

Doesn’t that guy look like someone who should be cleaning suburban pools? Instead, Fedor makes a living beating the hell out of large men. He is fairly good at it as well, with only one loss in 26 fights. Many regard Fedor as the best MMA fighter in the world. The only thing that stopped Fedor in that fight was an accidental headbut by his opponent that wouldn’t stop bleeding.

I love to see these guys that look no more assuming than your local gas station attendant that participate in one of the world’s most physical sports at a high level. Let’s take a look at some MMA fighters that look soft but are actually ass-kickers:

 

Paul Buentello - The 6′1" 246 pound Buentello looks like he trains with a tall boy and bag of doritos. Ine fact, he is a great shape and uses an impressive striking repitoire to pound opponents.

David "Tank" Abbott – Just check the picture. Obviously Tank doesn’t look weak, but he definetly looks very soft around the midsection.

 

 

Don Fyre - Don certainly looks like an ass-kicker, so it may seem like he doesn’t fit on this list. However, take a look at his picture and nickname below:

 

With that mustache, let’s just change the nickname to "Sexual Preadtor," and call it a day. And I am not suggesting that this man is a pedophile, with that mustache and the ability to beat someone’s ass at the drop of a hat, this guy is pulling tail like it has an experation date. At the same time, he looks more like a cop who moonlights as a porn star two weekends a month.

Mark Hunt - Don’t these guys train five hours a day? Take a look at his record, he may have benefitted from more conditioning.

Great choice of music:

Shannon "The Cannon" Rich – This guy looks fairly impossing, but his career record is 38-61, so you don’t have to be afraid.

Fast forward to the two minute mark. Shannon, in an attempt to add "cheater" and "poor-sport" to the list of negtive adjectives that decsribes him, tries to cheap shot his opponent a couple minutes after losing the match. The referee reacts quickly and chokes out the would be cheap shot artist.

Coty "Ox" Wheeler – Here is all 135 pounds of "Ox." The sad part is that this guy could be the hell out of the vast majority of people.

 

Kenneth Allen – (Make sure you read that link) I really wish I could find video or at least a picture of this man. I can’t even fathom the type of determination it takes to continue to fight after losing so may fights in a row. Did I see determination? Because I might outright stupidity and possible mental deficiency

 

Cory Simpson – This is the only man that Kenneth Allen beat:

A little digging on Sherdog’s fighter profile database can do wonders. This guy, who fought in RCF’s Cold Hearted card in Biloxi in 2005. Apparently, no one knew his name, because his name on Sherdog’s database is simply "Fat Guy." Shockingly, he lost by TKO in the first round.

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CBS was kind enough to treat us to soothing sounds of Gus Johnson for Saturday’s prime time MMA fight between Kimbo Slice and James Thompson.  Nothing makes me happier that when I turn on the television and hear Gus yelling about something or other that any normal announcer might just gloss over or only slightly raise their voice to announce.  Gus makes you almost as interested in the broadcast as you are in the game.  His call of the fight on Saturday night did not disappoint.  Here is his call of the final round, complete with an subjectivity that would make your ordinary announcer cringe:

Here are a few more of my favorites:

I think this is my favorite:

He basically throws a "that’s what she said," in the middle of a broadcast.

Here is every other Gus Johnson call that I missed:

God I love this guy.

The Angry T

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One of my favorite news outlets, the Sun, is reporting that reigning UFC welterweight champion George St. Pierre is dating Mandy Moore.  That is one hell of a power couple.  She is unbelievably hot and he can beat the hell of 99.9 percent of the world’s population. Here he is showing me how to break someone’s arm:

Apparently, Mandy is a pretty big fan of the fight game, and she was jumping up and down and celebrating as the French-Canadian St. Pierre re-claimed the welterweight belt from Matt Serra at UFC 83. 

I can tell you from his Wikipedia entry that George worked as a bouncer at a Montreal night club before becoming an MMA fighter.  He is only 5’10 and 170 pounds, so I have to imagine that some bigger dudes made the mistake of thinking they could push him around.  I could have spent an entire weekend sitting across the street from that bar and watching him kick some drunk Canuck ass. 

Here is what George has to look forward to:

He can also look forward to chart topping pop hits like this one:

Maybe George could teach Mandy enough to get her in the ring with everyone’s favorite hot female MMA’er Gina Carano.  You couldn’t keep that pay-per-view off my television. 

The Angry T

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Courtesy of The World of Isaac, we have this fantastic Butterbean footage. My how the mighty and fat have fallen…and can’t get up. What are the chances this guy would fight an angry cougar if he was offered 9.75/hour?

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