Everyone with a pulse loves sports video games, and everyone with a soul loves old sports video games.  Those little digital bastards fascinated and astonished us with their unbelievable feats of athleticism and I believe it is only right that we honor them in some way.  I think the most appropriate way to show old, now retired video game athletes that we appreciate them is to enshrine them in their own, tiny, digital Hall of Fame.  Consider this, and other forthcoming Hall of Fame related posts to be that digital Shrine.  So, without further ado, we introduce to you the inaugural class of the “Sport Video Athlete Hall of Fame.”

Basketball

Michael Jeffrey Jordan – Jordan vs. Bird – I never played with Larry Bird in this game and I couldn’t figure out why anyone would.  Jordan could shoot as well as Bird, plus he had the ability to dunk.  Bird will have to wait until the Veterans Committee vote to get in.

Scottie Pippen – NBA Jam – NBA Jam wouldn’t pony up the cash to get digital Jordan, so they chose to make Pippen the best all-around player in the game.  For defense and rebounding purposes, pair Pippen with Horace Grant and instantly become an unstoppable NBA Jame force.

Skateboarding

The Polynesian Man – Adventure Island – This little Hawaiian fellow was Tony Hawk before anyone knew who Tony Hawk was.  I would love to see Shaun White deal with birds, octopi and other dangerous island creatures while trying to pull off a 900.  Also, it’s all safety first with this guy, check out the helmet and kneepads.

Baseball

Ken Griffey Jr. – Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball -  Griffey was unreal in this self titled baseball video game.  He was the only one in the game who could run up the wall to save a home run.  He could hit the ball around 550 feet if he needed to.  He is the prototypical first ballot hall of famer. 

Jose Canseco – RBI Baseball – Ozzie’s brother was obviously on some digital juice based on his play in the game.  I sent a strongly worded letter to Major League baseball in 1989 to try to alert them to potential performance enhancing drug use based solely on this game. Unfortunately, my harsh words fell on deaf ears and the rest, as they say, is history.

(This video is probably the greatest thing I have ever seen, including, but not limited to, boobies)

Football

Randall Cunningham – Joe Montana Sports Talk Football – Herschel Walker sweep left, Cunningham scramble right.  It was a very simple formula which I utilized to capture three straight Super Bowl Championships.  Congratulations Randall, you deserve it.

Bo Jackson and Christian Okoye – Tecmo Superbowl – My friends and I had a No-Bo rule whenever we played Tecmo Superbowl, so it goes without saying that he was ungodly good in this game.  “The Nigerian Nightmare” is the lesser known unstoppable player in this game, but he was almost equally hard to run down or tackle.  If you don’t believe me, take a look at the game film below. I still wake up in cold sweats after terrifying "Nightmares" about trying to stop Christian with the porous Detroit Lions defense.

Lawrence Taylor – Tecmo Bowl – In a word: unblockable. It was unfair how easily this guy could get to the QB.

Auto Racing

Ivan Stewart’s silver car – Ivan Stewart’s Off Road – It didn’t matter how great of a driver you were or how suped-up your car might have been, when Ivan wanted to win the race, he just did.  After you lost you would sheepishly have to shovel quarters into the machine as Ivan taunted you, girl in arm, from the winner’s podium. 

BMX

The Paperboy – Paperboy – This poor bastard had to deal with dogs, burglars, drag racers, people working with jackhammers and drunk drivers as he dutifully delivered papers to those in need of the news.  Only after he survived all of these pitfalls was he forced to complete a BMX style bike on a dangerous construction site.  I salute you paperboy and I would like to welcome you to the hall of fame

Boxing

Mick – Mike Tyson’s Punchout – This was the toughest decision on the list. Mike Tyson was fantastic in this game and he probably deserves to be in the Hall of Fame, and his day will come, but the bottom line is that if Mick was on his game, no one, and I mean no one could beat him.

Any suggestions are welcome as I look forward to making new inductions on a semi-regular basis.

The Angry T

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