Unfortunately for all of us who love awesome hair styles, the high top fadeis a pottery shard in the lost civilization of 80’s and early 90’s hairstyles.  Fortunately for all of us who loves awesome hairstyles, bold visionaries like Johnnie Lee Higgins are still willing to be awesome in an un-awesomeworld: 

He also did this after scoring a TD last year:

 

In honor of Johnnie, and the hairstyle of a generation of NBA players, we honor the high top fade:

Brandon Jennings at the McdDonald’s All-American Game:

Dolph Lundgren – The closest a white guy has ever come to pulling this off:

See what I mean?

Kenny “Sky” Walker -In terms of style, no one beats Kenny in the high top fade department.  Not only is the height impressive, but the lines add a certain panache that make all the rest of the fades on his list look subpar.

Grace Jones – Conan the Destroyer – Wait…do these people have to be sports related?

Sam Perkins

 Gary Sheffield – Gary has been a problem child everywhere he’s went since San Diego.  It occurs to me now that Gary was only angry that other managers wouldn’t let him wear this hair cut.  I would feel comfortable eating dinner, building a house or launching a space shuttle off that thing it’s so level.  In terms of sheer precision, it might be the best high top fade out there.

Lawrence Taylor - As soon as he shaved his head, he immediately kicked the drug habit.  (There may have been a few stints in rehab, countless hours of support from friends and family, etc, but there’s no way to look that up without spending 11 seconds I don’t have). Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Kendall Gill

Rasheed Wallace was never more fashionable than as a 17 year old.  Where’s the birthmark?

Actually, Dolph had nothing on Chris Mullin:

High school football player Yawin Smallwood is setting a great example for the youth of America.  Dream big, and keep your high top fades bigger.

Patrick Ewing – Patrick Ewing’s hair was not bested many times in the 80’s and early 90’s, but if there’s any middle aged man that uses way too much gel that could do it, it was Riles.  Pat liberally gelled quaff is just plain impressive.

Robert Horry- Many of you out there who still sport the high top fade have probably asked the question: What clothing accessory properly accentuates a great high top fade?  Robert Horry correctly answers the question in the picture below.

But do you recall, the most famous fade of them all?  There’s no need to remember actually, simply look to the New York Yankees starting line-up and the hole to the left of second base most summer days.

The Angry T

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You may have heard that the NFL season begins on Thursday.  You probably have not heard that I have an unbelievable aptitude to predict the season of your favorite NFL team. I’ve decided to let you in on the fortunes of your favorite team by comparing them to hot new song that all the kids are talking about.  Using the Billboard Top 100, I’ve related your team to a hot jam.  Take a look below and be sure to let me know exactly where I messed up in the comments.

(Thanks to THE Jake Roland for help with the songs)

NFC East

NY Giants – Runaway – Love and Theft – Brandon Jacobs and Ahmad Bradshaw should see a significant amount of action this year as Eli and Co. break in some new WRs.

Philadelphia Eagles – Second Chance – Shinedown - Obviously, Michael Vick is looking to make good on his second chance. An even bigger story in my opinion is that Donovan McNabb is once again at the helm of a team with SuperBowl caliber team. He very well could get a second chance at SuperBowl immortality. 

Washington Redskins – Ginuwine – Last Chance – Jason Campbell probably knows that this year is his last chance to prove that he’s capable of leading this Redskins team to something better than mediocrity.

Dallas Cowboys – Down – Jay Sean Featuring Lil Wayne - The Cowboys best playmaker from 2008 has gone east to Buffalo, but so did distractions that come with him. All the same, I see this as a down year for the Cowboys as I believe each of their division rivals has upgraded their teams more than the Cowboys have.

NFC North

Chicago Bears – Jay Z and Rihanna - Jay Cutler will run Chicago if he delivers a couple nice playoff runs for a team and city that a dying for a Super Bowl contender. Richard Daley should be concerned if this guy wins a Super Bowl and has any political aspirations.

Detroit Lions – Brad Paisley – Welcome to the Future – For better or for worse, Matt Stafford is the future of the Detroit Lions. Lions’ fans are about to find out whether they get to watch the next Bobby Layne or whether they have to deal with the next Chuck Long. Personally, I’d settle for Charlie Batch.

Green Bay Packers – Number One – R. Kelly – In a cruel or fantastic twist of fate depending on your prospective, Packer and Viking fans will get a chance to find out who exactly is #1 when Favre / Rodgers Bowl 1-2. I

Minnesota Vikings – Big Green Tractor – James Aldean – The Great Favre stepped off his tractor in Louisiana, Mississippi  or wherever the hell he was, to play football once again and infuriate several million football fans. It remains to be seen if he has anything left in the tank or if he needs to get his ass back on the tractor.

NFC South

New Orleans – Green Day – 21 Guns – Drew Brees has plenty of weapons back for the leagues top passing game. Big Drew better throw for around 9000 yards because I have him on every one of my fantasy teams. That being said, I don’t see New Orleans winning this South without some semblance of a defense.

Atlanta Falcons – One Time – Justin Bieber – Matt Ryan and Co. came out of nowhere last year to finish 11-5 and snag a playoff spot. Matty Ice will have to avoid a sophomore slump and prove they can do it “Two Times.”

Tampa Bay – Alright – Darius Rucker – Tampa Bay will be breaking in a new quarterback and a new head coach. I’d be shocked if they were anything better than “Alright,” this year.

Carolina Panthers – No Surprise – Daughtry – No one will be be too surprised to see the Panthers at the top of NFC South once again. This writer will be one of very few not surprised to see the Panthers back in the Super Bowl.

NFC West

Arizona Cardinals – Falling for You – Cobie Callait – After being picked by most to struggle last year, Arizona’s SuperBowl run has made Arizona the darlings of the league and the odds on favorite to repeat a division champs.

San Francisco – Miley Cyrus – The Climb – Shaun Hill has been named the starter and I am great at making hilarious puns. Aside from the Hill / Climb pun, the 49ers still have a long way to go to get anywhere near contender status. However, several teams came out of nowhere last year, so keep and eye out for Shaun Hill and Frank Gore.

Seattle Seahawks – Cascada – Evacuate the Dance Floor – Don’t just evacuate the dance floor, evacuate Qwest and get the hell away from the stadium rather than watch this probable train wreck of a football team.

St. Louis Rams – Kelly Clarkson – Already Gone – The chances of the Rams doing anything productive this year are perfectly summed up by the title of this song.

AFC East

Miami Dolphins – Sweet Dreams – Beyonce – The Bills getting another year of seasoning and TO, Tom Brady being back and the Jets new head coach and revamped defense should be more than enough to put the lights out on the Dolphins’ chance of a divison title repeat.

New England Patriots – Throw It In the Bag - Brady’s back. If I need to say more, you can look to the Pats new perrenial pro-bowler Derrick Burgess. The division title is in the bag.

Buffalo Bills – She Wolf – Shakira – She Wolf fits for a couple of reasons in this situation. First Terrell Owens is moody and emotional as a chick most of the time. Second, Terrell Owens has the remarkable talent of going from “great lockeroom guy” to “lockeroom cancer,” in one 3-catch-game flat. This remarkable transformation mirrors the transformation of man into werewolf (Orrrrrr, I just wanted to show this video, you decide). It remains to be seen if TO can shut his mouth and be the playmaker the Bills need or the distraction that they’ll regret.

NY Jets – Mariah Carey – Obsessed - It took all of one preseason game for the national media to become obsessed with Marc Sanchez. I think he’s got a long way to go, but a stout defense should help his team have some immediate success while he learns on the job.

AFC North

Pittsburgh Steelers – Boom Boom Pow – Black Eyed Peas - No one this side of the Ravens hits harder than the Steelers. I forsee them leaving most of their opponents bloodied and battered on the way to another AFC Championship appearance.

Baltimore Ravens – I Gotta Feeling – Black Eyed Peas - This writer has a feeling that this is the season that Ray Ray and company make their triumphant return to the SuperBowl with a win over the Steelers in the AFC Championship.

Cincinnati Bengals – Never Say Never – The Fray - I refuse to write this team off simply because of their appearence on Hard Knocks. Still, I find it hard to believe they can contend in this division or even pick up a playoff spot. In honor of the “Kiss the Baby,” I’m not willing to completely dismiss them.

Cleveland Browns – Good Girls Go Bad – Cobra Starship w/ Leighton Meester - Brady Quinn is probably more attractive than most of the girls I end up getting with (read: All of those girls). Despite that fact, there’s no reason to believe that this team will be anything other than bad this year.

AFC South

Tennessee Titans – Love Drunk – Boys Like Girls – I see a pounding headache of a hangover for the Titans  following a 13-3 season. They’ve got a tough schedule and they’ll have to deal with the ascension of a consistent divison bottom dweller that’s finaly ready to make a move. (See Below)

Houston Texans – Waking Up in Vegas – Katy Perry - Throw some money down and beat Vegas and their 8 win projection for Houston. After Houston’s 10 win season, you can play this song and throw cash at your friends who weren’t smart enough to make this pick with you.

Indianapolis Colts – LoveGame – Lady Gaga - Everyone loves to watch Peyton Manning direct his offense up and down the field at will. If the Colts defense can in anyway match their play down the stretch in 06′ they could certainly unseat reigning AFC heavyweights Baltimore and Pittsburgh. I don’t see it happening, but it’s possible.

Jacksonville Jaguars – Not Meant to Be - Theory of a Deadman – With Indy, Tennessee and an up and coming Houston squad in the division, a playoff run is not meant to be for the Jags.

AFC West

Oakland Raiders – Use Somebody – Kings of Leon - They just need to find somebody, anybody, who can throw the football. They also probably need someone that can protect that thrower from getting his head taken off. They also need a defense. Other than that, and a coach that doesn’t sucker punch other coaches, they need nothing.

Denver Broncos – I’ll Just Hold On – Blake Shelton - I don’t see this team getting much better with Kyle Orton behind center instead of Jay Cutler. At the same time, their divison is pretty week, so they shouldn’t be a terrible record wise. Simply put, they’ll probably just hold on to a mediocre record this season.

Kansas City Cheifs – Replay – Iyaz - While the Cheifs probably upgraded their quarterback position this offseason (Tyler Thigpen wasn’t all that bad) they haven’t done enough to avoid a replay of last season.

San Diego Chargers – Miley Cyrus – Party in the USA – Well, as Tila Tequila and Shawne Merriman have proved, it’s always party-time in San Diego. They’ll be even more partying as the season moves forward because the Chargers will once again take home the division crown.

The Angry T

Popularity: 1% [?]

Frequent viewers of this blog know that I am a huge fashion buff.  That’s why I decided to post these picture of beautiful models in these KEVA bikinis.  Sure they happen to be really hot Miami Dolphins cheerleaders promoting these suits for Miami’s fashion week, but I’m posting them simply for their inherent stylistic value:

Miami Dolphins Cheerleader in what looks like one piece swimsuit.

Miami Dolphins Cheerleader with great abs in a two piece bikini

My future wife…also Miami Dolphin Cheerleader in a bikini

 

Pure stylistic value.  Miami Dolphins Cheerleader know how to dress…in very small bikinis.

The Angry T

Popularity: 9% [?]

Apparently, a 31-84 record as a general manager is a pretty solid resume builder for an aspiring football analyst.  You could say it’s ridiculous that this clown has a job analyzing anything except his unemployment check, but I do give NBC credit for making a move that will undoubtedly create buzz and give Matt ample opportunity to make an ass of himself on live TV:

I will give Matt credit for taking the blame for the Lions 0-16 perfect season when he said he was “completely responsible” for team’s failures. He added,”You can say something about the coaching, you can say something about the players, but inevitably, I’m responsible for them.” Dan Patrick then asked Millen, “Would you have fired you?” to which Millen answered, “Yeah, I would have.” Here’s the video below:

Brutal? Brutal is hearing you admit you were unqualified for your job for the last eight years.  Brutal is 31-84. Brutal is you quickly landing a job after being absolutely useless in your previous vocation.  This is the equivalent of giving that drunk Exxon Valdez captain a job as a tanker truck driver.  Sure the pay is a little worse and his responsibility level is much lower, but in this writer’s eyes, giving Matt Millen (or the drunk Exxon Valdez captain) a job doing anything is asking for trouble. Mark my words, somehow that desk gets lit on fire and ends up looking like the Spanish announce table in a week or two.

The Angry T

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Someone needs to tell Wes Welker to watch the hell out:

Whenever these huge hits take place on television, I always imagine the families of people like Wes Welker watching the 31 instant replays of their loved one get hit ridiculously hard…and laugh.

There have been some unbelievably hard hits this year in both college and NFL football.  It seems that all those steroid masking agents have finally allowed our favorite gridiron gladiators to juice with impunity.  (With all the steroids flying around, pretty soon these guys will start needing these prenatal vitamins.) Either that, or a 6′5″ 265 pound human body is supposed to run a 4.5 second 40.  I’ll let you decide.

With that off my chest, let’s look at the 15 most bone crunching hits in the NFL and college this season:

15. Ike Hilliard Knocked out Against the Seahawks:

14. Anquan Boldin and his Broken Face:

13. Cedric Griffin on Billy Miller

2. Adrian Wilson’s helmet meets Trent Edwards Face

11. Jo-Lonn Dunbar on a Reggie Bush Punt Return:

10. Go Low Al Harris!!

9. Air Bradford (Not the biggest hit, but he is in the air for around 30 seconds)

8. Justin Fargas Meets Bernard Pollard

7. Darrell Reid on Kick Coverage: (It has been brought to my attention by an astute reader that this hit is not from 2008.  He is correct, the Colts did play the Titans on Monday night this year, but this hit did not occur in that game.  Still, this is an unbelievable hit that I’ll probably leave on the list.  I am taking suggestions for a new #7, to be named 7A, leave your selections in the comments)

Let’s Trot this one out as 7A for the time being. I don’t know how Lewis could, in good conscience, do this to a Solidier.

 

6. Jerrod Power on Andrew Hatch

5. Kevin Barnes makes a reciever puke: (Near the end of the video)

4. Brandon Jacobs meets LaRon Landry:

3. Angus Quigley knocks out a Texas Defender:

2. Hines Ward on Keith Rivers:

If you don’t believe this guy is juicing, you are living in a fantasy world:

1.

Did I miss any good ones?

The Angry T

Popularity: 2% [?]

When you think about solid quarterback play in the NFL, some franchises have a long history of signal callers that they can be proud of.  The Dallas Cowboys for instance can start with their current solid quarterback Tony Romo and then work their way back through the decades and point out Troy Aikman, Roger Staubach, Danny White.  San Francisco can be proud of the Joe Montana-Steve Young era, while Miami and Denver can only look fondly on their one great QB (Marino and Elway respectfully).  Other teams like the Indianapolis Colts had to wait 30 years after Unitas to finally get Peyton Manning.  And then there are the Detroit Lions.  Yesterday during their 38-14 loss to the Jacksonville Jaguars they were able to initiate 2 more quarterbacks (Daunte Culpepper and Drew Stanton) to the worst collection of Quarterbacks ever assembled over the last 40 years.

Almost every franchise can name a great Pro Bowl caliber quarterback who lined up under center for them.  Theisman, Bradshaw, Moon, Kelly, Stabler, Favre, Plunkett, Esiason, Simms all of these guys were the face of their franchise and led them to some level of success.  But when your franchise has only 1 playoff victory since the inception of the Super Bowl in 1967 like Lions, then you have to wonder exactly what collection of garbage was calling signals for them over the last 40 years.  Lions Quarterback Bobby Lane won 3 NFL championships for the Lions in the 1950’s and was rewarded by the front office brass by being traded.  The curse of Bobby Lane has led to the following collection of quarterbacks who followed him.

Group #1- Hey at least we made the playoffs

Greg Landry-70’    Gary Danielson-82’         Erik Kramer/Rodney Peete-91’,93’

Scott Mitchell-94’,95’,97’       Charlie Batch/Gus Frerotte-99’

This is the cream of the crop if you’re a Lions fan.  The weapons were there for most of these guys.  Barry Sanders was the games best running back and Herman Moore was a Pro Bowl WR throughout the 90’s.  However every single playoff loss (with the 1995 shootout loss to the Eagles the lone exception) occurred because the Lions offense couldn’t get it going.  Scott Mitchell’s 1995 season (4,300 yds, 32 TD’s) is really the only exceptional season we’ve seen from a Lions Quarterback since many of us have been alive.

Group #2- Wide Receivers aren’t the only busts we draft

Chuck Long-1986-1989         Andre Ware-1990-1993          Joey Harrington-2002-2005

All three were top-12 picks by the Lions, all three were considered can’t miss stars.  Only Harrington was a great piano player.

Group 3- Back-Ups who somehow saw playing time

Dan Orlovsky/ Drew Stanton/Daunte Culpepper-Present

Mike McMahon-01’-04’         Frank Reich- 97’-98’       Don Majkowski-95’96’

Stoney Case-00’

Because the Lion’s QB is always brutal, the fans always fall in love with the back-up in Detroit.  That is, until they actually see them on the field.  Rest assured that no back-up in Detroit has ever had any kind of success anywhere else in football once they left Detroit.

At 0-9 the Lions will most likely earn the #1 pick in the 2009 Draft.  So if your wondering why Georgia’s Matt Stafford intentionally scored a 3 on the Wonderlic or why Florida’s Tim Teabow claims in interviews to be allergic to snow, you’ll know why.

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