I love me some Nicole Kidman. Sure she looks emotionless and robotic in almost every picture that has ever been taken of her. But think about that for a second, wouldn’t you be interested in doing it with a sexy robot? I know I would, but then again a few weeks ago, while shopping at Target, I became sexually attracted to a sleek Hamilton-Beech toaster oven.
In any event, according to Forbes, Nicole Kidman is the least bankable actress in the entire world, which is impressive, because I have to assume this list include Jannine Garafalo. Her movies earned a paltry $1 for every $1 that she was paid for starring in those movies. Her movie The Invasion, which was a remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, actually lost $2.68 for every dollar they paid Nicole.
As always, we must attempt to tie this story into something sports related if we want to maintain that The Angry T is actual a sports site. Sooo, let’s see take a look at the Least Bankable Athletes in the sporting world, with per dollar figures relating to their exploits:
10. Ben Wallace – $16,250,000 in 2008
$108,333 (150 this year) per indiscferable yell toward the referee and scowl after a “bad call”
$225,694 per made free throw (72 this season)
$16,250,000 per coach that his underperformance in Chicago cost his job (One coach lost: Scott Skiles)
9. Steve Francis – $18,200,000 earned last year
$1,820,000 per game played last season (10 games played last season)
$6,066,666 per team that has been disappointed since he left Houston before the 2004 season (3 teams: ORL, NYK and then HOU when he returned before last season.
$3,640,000 per game (5) until he begins to sulk after being out of Rich Adelman’s rotation in the 2009 season.
8. Todd Helton – $16,900,000 this season
$582,758 per RBI (29 RBI)
$281,666 per game that he’ll miss due to a sore back (60 game DL)
$16,900,000 per fantastic trivia question about the what MLB player was ahead of Peyton Manning on the QB depth chart at Tennessee (Answer: Todd Helton)
Watch that back Todd:
7. Stephon Marbury – $21,012,500
$21,012,500 per mile that Stephon has “run in the mountains” in preparation for this season.
$10,506,250 per “oh and ah” that Stephon will likely provide this season (see above video)
6. JaMarcus Russell – $20,875,000
$88,829 per passing yard JaMarcus has accrued through two games (235 yards)
$20,875,000 that JaMarcus owes Notre Dame for making him look so unbelievably good in the 2007 Sugar Bowl that he got drafted #1
6. Jermaine O’Neal – $20,478,000 in 2008
$166,487 per game that O’Neal has missed due to injury over the last four years (123)
$109,050,640 reasons why he doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone for the rest of his life (Amount of money Jermaine has made in his career off salary alone)
5. Dontrelle Willis – $7,000,000
$2.33 per disappointed Detroit Tigers that went to a game this season with the hopes that the team would not under perform and over-piss off
$678,294 per ERA point (10.32 ERA)
4. Jason Giambi – $21,000,000 in 2008
$10,500,000 per season with over a .260 batting average (2) since joining the Yankees in 2002 after hitting .290+ in his previous six seasons with Oakland.
$11 per New York chick that Jason hit on this season by asking “Who wants a mustache ride?” (1.9 million girls)
3. Alex Rodriguez – $35,000,000 in 2008
5,000,000 per major offensive categories in which A-Rod leads the Yankees. (HRs, RBI, On-Base, Avg. Runs, Slugging, OPS)
$1.94 per person in the New York metropolitan area that still blames A-Rod for the downfall of the Yankees this season.
95% of the people that read this article that will refer to A-Rod’s .242 average with runners in scoring position as proof that I am an idiot for saying that he is not a bum
95% of people that read this article that will know after this sentence that the best three Yankee pitchers this year have a combined age of 113 (Pettite, Mussina, Rivera)
2. Shaquille O’ Neal – $35,000,000 in 2008
$47,619 per day until Shaquille O’Neal retires (735 days)
$35,000,000 per playoff win that the Big Aristotle helped the Suns earn last season
$35,000,000 per decent rap lyric that Shaq has ever laid down, even AFTER this video came out:
1. Phil Mickelson – $67,373,685 in 2007
$5,614,473 per spot (on average) that he finished out of the lead in this years’ majors (Average finish of 12.25 in this year’s majors)
$67,373,685 per Ryder Cup win (one American victory in six career Ryder Cup appearances for Phil)
$33,686,842 per man titty
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