Aug
28
2008
23

Bigger… Faster… Dumber? (And Probably Hotter)

Written by admin | Visited 5391 times, 20 so far today |

The SEC is the dominant conference. We’ve heard it for years. The last 2-3 years it is very possibly true. But why? They’re faster, people say. Apparently the deep South breeds differently than the rest of the country.

Is it possible, though, that SEC schools are just able to take more athletes than other schools? Lower academic standards certainly make it a possibility. When looking at the academic reputations of the four major college football conferences (SEC, Big Ten, Big 12, Pac Ten), it is clear that the SEC fails miserably.

Of the SEC’s twelve schools, only Vanderbilt (18) and Florida (49) make the top 50 of US News and World’s 2009 rankings. Only Georgia (58), Alabama (83), and Auburn (96) join them in the top 100. Two schools, Mississippi and Mississippi State, fall under the Tier 3 category (schools outside of the Top 100). Even when those two sub-par schools are excluded, the average ranking among the other 10 SEC schools is a below-average 89.1.

By comparison, the two worst Big Ten schools (Michigan State and Indiana) are both ranked 71st. That’s right, the worst Big Ten schools are ranked significantly ahead of the SEC’s average. In perhaps the most staggering statistic, the SEC only has three schools that rank ahead of the two worst Big Ten schools. The Big Ten ranks at the top of the four conferences with a 50.1 average ranking and all eleven of their schools in the top 100.

The Pac Ten ranks second with an average ranking of 62.1 and only one Tier 3 school (Oregon State). The Big 12 falls slightly ahead of the SEC with an average ranking of 86.4 and two Tier 3 schools (Oklahoma State, Texas Tech).

So what does all of this mean? In short, the SEC has a recruiting advantage. Anyone who follows recruiting even a little bit realizes that there are a lot of kids coming out of high school with poor grades, test scores, etc, that are extremely talented athletes. It’s not a stereotype. Different kids have different reasons for their academic shortcomings, many of which are beyond their control. When a school has lower academic standards, they can (in general) accept more recruits than schools with higher standards. Even if their entrance standards are decent, an easy trip to college appeals more to kids that are dead set on going to the NFL. Let’s face it, student-athletes are not student-athletes anymore. If that were the case, kids would be flocking to the Big Ten. Or, recruits would be lining up to go to Vanderbilt, by far the best school in the SEC. Oh… but there’s this little thing called reality. So are SEC players faster? Maybe. But it sure sounds like they’re getting an easier ride.

This might not be as humorous as you expect from an article on the Angry T. But, well… the truth is funny enough.

The Massacre

Editor’s Note: Don’t worry SEC fans, your chicks are probably much hotter than chicks from major other conferences that require more than a pulse as grounds for admission. Just kidding with the pulse comment. It’s clear that the chicks below have a lot more to offer than simply a pulse.

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Jul
27
2008
10

2008 SEC Football Preview – Angry T Style

Written by admin | Visited 3688 times, 18 so far today |

By The Angry T’s latest and greatest writing addition, Nasty Nate

It’s Friday, football fans, which means it’s time for The AngryT’s newest installment of college football conference previews.  In the spotlight this week: the best conference in the history of Western civilization, the SEC.

In case you missed last week’s Big Ten rundown, here’s what we’re going for.

The All-SPF 40 Team
This special honor is reserved for players that throw caution to the wind and brave the sweltering conditions of summer.  Compared to the Big Ten, there were slim pickings, but The AngryT managed to spook these walking q-tips from underneath their beach umbrellas and oversized sun hats.

From L-R: Colin Gallagher (‘Bama), Kyle Prater (LSU), Tim Masthay (UK), Ben Meadows (Ole Miss)
Bottom Row: Heath Thomas (Alabama)

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The All-Pencil Neck Team
Who would have thought that the mighty SEC would have more puny football players that you could beat up than the Big Ten?  Wait, I got it!  Because SEC players are so fast!  It’s easier to be fast when you’re not a bulky, lead-footed Ohioan.  The highlight of this group:  Paul Scioneaux’s emo bangs.

First Row: Justin Sparks (Ole Miss), Robert Ezell (‘Bama), Corey Smith (‘Bama)
Second Row: Paul Scioneaux (LSU), Adam McClure (LSU)

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The Greg Oden All-Stars
In honor of America’s favorite 20-year-old great grandfather, these boys men are recognized for looking remarkably older than their teammates.

L-R: Seth Oxner (Arkansas), Chris Johnson (Vandy), Darius Myers (Tennessee), Demiko Goodman (UGA)

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The Derek Zoolander All-Star Team – The camera loves these gentlemen, and they love the camera.  A male pig tail here, a little fauzhawk there, and maybe just a little Blue Steel set these young men apart from the rest. Look at the Marcus Washington’s enchanting eyes. I would buy anything he was selling, because if I didn’t,  he would burn a hole in the center of my forehead.

L-R: Dorian Munroe (Florida), Omar Love (Ole Miss), Marcus Washington (Miss. St.)
Bottom Row: Brandon Lafell
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Reggie Cleveland All-Stars
I will always give credit where credit is due, and the man responsible for this spectacular group is Bill Simmons.  The players whose ethnicity does not seem to match their names are:

L-R: Travis McCall (‘Bama), Gabe McKenzie (Auburn), Chip Gregory (Arkansas)

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Worst Team Haircut
I have no clue why Nick Saban is making every white kid on the team get this stupid hair cut. 

L-R: Patrick Crump (Alabama), Brad Pounds (Alabama), Sam Burnthall, Spencer Whitfield (Alabama),
Bottom Row: Thomas Darrah (Alabama), Robert Ezell (Alabama)

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The Reverse Brock Lesnar All-Stars
These are players that, by appearance, would seem to be a better fit in the WWE than in college football.  One exception: Kentucky’s Brad Hart.  He doesn’t really look like a wrestler, but with that last name, he was born to apply the sharpshooter.  

First Row:  Herman “The Abominable Fro-Man” Johnson (LSU), Colby “Arsenal” Arseneaux (Ole Miss), Chris “The Big Homeless” Bowers (Ole Miss)
Second Row: Ben “Pretty Boy” Bates (UK), Brad Hart (UK), John “Irish Car Bomb” Durmon (Arkansas), Ryan “Psycho” Hill (UT)

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Most Likely to Form a Boy Band: Dicky Lyons, Jr. (UK) and Tyler Sexton (UK)

Not only do these fellas play for the same team and look the part, the possibility of turning on the radio one day and hearing the newest Dick Sex single gets me out of bed in the morning.

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Lookalikes

Chancey Aghayere (LSU) and Bobby Brown

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Taylor Pharr (‘Bama) and Chucky

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Soundalikes

John Conner (UK) and John Connor (Terminator 2)

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Chris Griffin (Vandy) and Chris Griffin (Family Guy)

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Anthony Littlejohn (MSU) and Lil Jon

 

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Best Potential Nickname: Tim “How Should I” Fugger (Vandy)

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Best Name for a Son of a Former NFL Player: T-Bob Hebert (LSU), son of Bobby Hebert

 

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Most Likely to Hold a Grudge Against his Parents: Richard Dickson (LSU)

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That does it for the SEC.  Please come back next Friday for our newest installment.  Arkansas safety Evan Bettis is excited already.

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Nasty Nate

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