Roger Federer already holds a distinct advantage over his opponents when he decides to hit the ball the normal way.  It seems that regular forehands and backhands bore him to the point that he has to do this to amuse himself:

That’s no schmuck on the other side of the net either, Djokovic is the #4 player in the world and he doesn’t get anywhere close to returning that ball.

Roger is about to begin his match as I write this sentence, but the outcome of this match is not in doubt to anyone this side of Del Porto.  In honor of Roger winning his 16th grand slam title, let’s look at some of the more ridiculous shots of his amazing career:

(UPDATE: How funny those words look now that Mr. Del Porto is now a one time Grand Slam winner and Roger sits on 15.  My next post will be Del Porto’s top 15, as soon as he has 15 amazing shots posted on youtube.)

 15 .Roger against Andy Roddick

14. Unbelivable quickness and skill is required to get to this ball and then slice it like this:

13. 2005 Semi-Final against Nadal. Unreal defense:

I’m not sure how he got any pace on this ball whatsoever, but he sure made James Blake look dumb:

12. I’m not sure this ball would have been returned even if there were four people on the other side of the court. For your reference, it would take around 19 of me to return it and that’s only after the ball ricoched off my face.

11. Nasty backhand flip.

10. Roger makes Andy Roddick look dumb after a returning a 140 mph Roddick serve:

9. Sometimes he doesn’t even need a raquet:

8. Crazy smash makes Djokovic look dumb.

7. I didn’t even know this was legal:

6. This should be illegal if it isn’t:

5. Pinpoint backhand

4. This is how you make Goran Ivanisevic angry. In case you were wondering.

3. The guy he hits this shot against isn’t bad either.

2. Another amazing show of quickness.

1. This might be even more amazing than the between the legs shot because of the distance he had to cover to get to the two returns.

Savor these moments because you are watching the greatest tennis player of all-time and maybe the most dominant athlete of all-time ply his craft.   Oh I’m sorry, he’s the second most dominant…next to Y.E. Yang.

The Angry T

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I can’t wait until my kid is good enough at sports that other parents ban him from leagues with their less athletic children.

I wish I could line up all the “concerned parents” and punch them in the stomach simultaneously. I hope this goes to the supreme court and this kid wins some sort of groundbreaking court decision that effectively eliminates all parents from little league sports. Sure, the mild mannered, reasonable parents will be punished as well, but at this point, there are so many idiots out there that we can’t take a chance that one will slip through the cracks.

I can’t tell you how much I enjoy when little kids do something amazing in an athletic competition. While most of the kids eat grass and chase butterflies, these little athletic-savants hit dingers, pitch no hitters, truck linebackers, throw touchdowns and high step into the endzone. Let’s take a moment to honor the best of the best in little kid athletics:

5. In the 71′ Little League World Series, Lloyd McLendon hit five home runs in five official at-bats and was intentionally walked every other time he came to the plate. Unfortunately, he couldn’t get the “Greatest Offense Ever Assembled,” the 2006 Detroit Tigers, to win more than 79 games.

4. About a year ago, eight year old Cody Paul burst onto the youtube scene with a highlight video that made Adrian Peterson look like Stacy Peterson (way too soon). Those who haven’t seen this kid need to watch the video below. I added a few of the copy cat videos that have been posted on youtube since Cody’s was posted.

“The Diesel”

Watch five year old Harrison Bailey

The Hoover Bucs

3. Most of you who watched the Olympics this year saw the nine year old Chinese gymnasts that won the gold medal in the team gymnastics competition. Just imagine how good they’ll be when they are old enough to get a learner’s permit. Congrats to Mao.

2. I remember watching this video and yelling at my parents for not locking me in the garage until I made 18 shots in a row at age three. I bet he’ll be happy they did lock him in the garage when he turns seven and realizes he has a shoe deal, assuming his parents don’t use all the Reebok money and pretend the deal never happened.

There are ton of clips on youtube with other tiny people making threes, but I think this little guy is the best. Mark Walker better watch out and then learn how to poop in a regular size toilet.

1. The best child athlete of all-time is a no-brainer if you put some thought into it. The best child athlete is also involved in maybe the best commercial of all-time.

This clip is pretty fantastic as well. It’s like having video of a two year old Willie Mays playing baseball or a 3 year old Barry Sanders playing football or a three year old Kobe Bryant sexually assaulting a pre-school classmate on the jungle gym after nap time.

Maybe the second best:

The Angry T

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The Buick Open, one of the easiest stops on the PGA Tour is the first golf tournament to have to go through Tiger Woods withdrawals this weekend.  However the folks up in Grand Blanc, Michigan aren’t going to go down Tiger-less without creating some fireworks.  And what better way then to pair up John Daly and Kid Rock in today’s pro-am. 

They will tee off today at 1:20 because Daly and Mr. Rock refuse to wake up before noon.  I think this Happy Gilmore way of thinking is the way to go until Tiger comes back.  Are you really going to tune in Sunday afternoon to watch Tom Pernice and Scott Verplank fight for the Buick Open championship? I’m telling you the most entertaining thing to watch this weekend is which hole Daly throws up into and which hole Kid Rock gets flashed on first.  To help the Buick Open out, I have taken 5 golfers (Ken Duke, Jose Coceres, Lucas Glover, Paul Goydos and Nick Watney) that I know nothing about and I doubt the average golf fan does either, and I am kicking them out of the Buick Open.  Kid Rock is a good start to having people tune in, but with the addition of these 5 golfers to the tournament this weekend, it will have people saying “Tiger who?”

1.  Hookers

Now I am not talking about filthy 8 Mile Road hookers.  What about classy one’s like Julia Roberts’ character in Pretty Women, or that nice lady I picked up last Saturday who pinky swore that she didn’t have hepatitis C?

2.  Elin Woods

When men went off to war or were injured in the early 20th century, women often went to work in the factories and the golf course for their husband.  This would explain Valerie Hogan’s Sunday 68 to win the 1941 Pay n’ Save Invitational over Byron Nelson.

3. A Grizzly Bear

This thing can run 25 mph, climb trees, and is responsible for 70% of all bear attacks on humans.  They are also known to play beautiful draws and are extremely accurate with their putters.

4.  Double Pendulum Golf Robot

Do you remember Gary Kasparov’s epic battle against the Supercomputer Deep Blue in chess?  Think of the drama on the golf course as Chris DiMarco and the golf machine go shot for shot.  No matter who would win this battle, we need to make sure that we destroy the machine after the tournament because I watched I, Robot last night and lets just say thank God for Will Smith.

5.   Ted Williams (unfrozen)
 

Yes, that’s actually Han Solo’s body in carbonite, but I figure it’s fairly close to Ted William’s body.  Once we get him thawed out, he should be plenty long off the tee.

-Violent J

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I don’t think I saw this when it happened a few days ago, pretty funny stuff, if it is real, which it most certainly isn’t:

Embarrassing Question For Tiger Woods – Watch more free videos

Also, I’ll answer for Tiger: Yes, your husband is a homosexual.

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Tiger Woods passed Arnold Palmer on the career wins list with a long distance delivery on the 18th hole at Bayhill. The birdie on the 18th put Woods at 10 under, good enough for a one stroke win over Bart Bryant. Poor Bary Bryant, who could have guaranteed himself a spot in the Masters with a win, was visibly laughing on the 18th hole after Woods holed the 25 foot bomb to win a PGA event for the 64 time in his already illustrious career. Le Tigre’s triumph marked his five consecutive victory on the PGA tour. Thankfully, you don’t have to feel that bad for ol’ Bart though, he picked up a solid 660,000 dollars for his trouble.

I found the video below on Youtube: Enjoy it as long as it is up:

The Angry T

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I was flipping through the New York Times Magazine on Monday (give me a break, it had Natalie Portman on the cover) and I came across this real estate listing.

Sounds nice, right? But the listing agent committed the cardinal sin of real estate agents (AngryT’s dad, a Trump-level mega-mogul in his own right will confirm this for you), and didn’t mention the biggest perk…the house is in Tiger Woods’ Isleworth neighborhood. How much more appealing would this house sound if instead of just saying “gorgeous views of hole #6,” it said “gorgeous views of Tiger Woods winning $20K from Mark O’Meara by holing an 8 iron from 174 yds,” or “gorgeous views through the back window of Tiger Woods’ wife as she showers.”

I did some more snooping, and a mere $1.55 million will get you in the front gates of Tiger’s ‘hood (that’s $7600 a month with a down payment for the mortgage plus $1800 for taxes). The most expensive listed place is $7.475 million, with taxes north of $6000 a month. No word on how much Tiger ponied up at closing on his $38 million spread. I’m sure they’d run a check of your bank account before even divulging that lots like that exist, but sharing a neighborhood with Eldrick, Shaq, Vinsanity, and Ken Griffey Jr. probably helps resale value right?

Better than having this place next to you at least.

Tenacious E

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