We don’t do nearly enough how-to posts at TheAngryT and now is as good a time as any to help out the general public.  Many of you have wondered what steps you might need to take acheive the lofty position of high school football coach.  Thankfully a high school football coach in Florida has spelled out the steps to high school football coaching success better than I could have.

(The face of a mentor, the face of a positive role model. The face of a probably felon)

1. Develop a passion for leading kids

2.  Find ways to motivate children to grow into responsible men and continually better themselves on and off the football field

3. Get a job at a high school as a janitor and assistant varsity football coach

4. Smoke 1-2 joints on a Sunday night

5. Snort 2-3 lines of blow on a Sunday night

6. Hang out with your 18 year old high school quarterback (As a 30 year old man) on Sunday niht

7. Hang out with your 18 year old high school QB (as a 30 year old man) until 1:30 am on a Monday morning

8. Get pulled over by the cops at 1:30 am on a Monday morning as a passenger in a car driven by your 18 year old QB

9. Drop a small bag of coke and 4 grams of marijuana on the ground by accident during the traffic stop

10. Allow the cops to find the loaded handgun that you were also driving around with 1:30 am on a Monday morning

and finally…

11. Learn your lesson:

 ”Yeah, I learned a lesson,” Dotson (the janitor in question) said Wednesday. “I want to put this behind me. I definitely made a mistake and I shouldn’t have been out that late.”

Thank god he learned his lesson.  I’m also glad he wants to put this behind him.  I’m certain he’ll never smoke a joint, do blow or hang out with an 18 year old while doing both, because that’s what “putting this behind him” would mean.

 I’m hoping this wouldn’t be another of those Stallworth type situation where someone says that they learned their lesson, but are really more happy that they got off with a lighter prison sentence than Paris Hilton’s sentence after DUI #3, but I’m sure it is. I’m not sure there is anything else to say in this situation other than idiot, HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL!!!, and idiot. (and yes, I am pissed that my high school golf coach didn’t care enough to spend this type of quality time with me)

The Angry T

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You have to feel for a guy like Onterrio Smith.  All this guy wanted to do was play in the NFL and smoke a lot of weed.  Unfortunately, “The Man” refused to let his dream become a reality.  As ardent Onterrio Smith fans remember, he was arrested at the Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport after he was found with the “Original Whizzinator” on his person.  For all the squares out there, the Whizzinator is a device that helps you beat drug tests.  You can see the mechanics of this NSFW DaVincian masterpiece here.   Thank god this thing comes in Latino.

Now, I know that Onterrio Smith would have never used this thing.  He even told police that he was holding it for his cousin.  Unfortunately, no one believed him and he had to take the rap.  I know you agree with me when I say he was railroaded by police, and then the NFL, but if you don’t, take a look at this.

This thing wasn’t even illegal when Onterrio Smith walked through the airport with it and his good name was sullied as a result of this incident.  This is like if you got stopped in the airport for having a stick of PH Balanced Secret antiperspirent in your possession.  Sure, its a little weird that you use a woman’s deodorant.  But after you explain to the officers that while Secret is PH balanced for a woman,  yet also strong enough for a man, they would probably send you on your merry way.  Instead of showing some compassion, the officers humiliated Onterrio Smith in front of the entire airport, forcing him to fall off the wagon get caught a third time for smoking weed.  Of course, that incompassionate prick Paul Tagliabue threw the book at Smith and suspended him for a year, forcing him to attempt to play in Canada, which forced Onterrio to get drunk all the time, and get a DUI early this year.

For shame NFL, you ruined the career, and potentially life of one of the nicest guys in the NFL.  Sure he didn’t say much because he was baked out of his mind 24/7, but that smile on his face was infectious, and that’s an infection (below) that I don’t want to find a cure for.

The Angry T

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