I never claimed that my intellect was on par with that of Alfred Einstein, but until today, I was sure I was smarter than every 10 year old in the world. Well, thanks to this story, I now am certain that there are probably millions of tiny Asian children that get better grades in college than I could ever hope to achieve. Look at him helping hot chicks with their homework:
Judging by this picture he could probably kick my ass. Look at all those trophies. He is better than me in every way:
I used to appreciate great accomplishments by young people, now I resent every young person that accomplishes something that I have not. Let’s take a look at some other people I resent. They are the Moshe Kai Cavalin of the sports world. They were phenoms that played professional sports at a very young age when I had no chance of playing them, no matter what age I am, even if I had years to train. (Quickly, for reference, here are some other succesful young people that really bother me:)
This baby that knows the presidents:
This baby that can play Hey Jude:
Miley Cyrus- How can anyone this young make a sons so sweet:
Now without further ado, the sports phenoms:
Baseball
Joe Nuxhall – Joe was the youngest player to make his debut in the modern era when he suited up for the Reds in 1944 at age 15. Joe actually went onto become a two-time all-star, although he had an eight year hiatus from the game following his one start at 15 years old.
The youngest player ever to play a professional baseball game was “Big” Bill Geer who made his debut in 1874 as a supple 14 year old boy. Some “baseball people” will tell you that “Flyin’’” Fred Champan, who is currently 121 years old, and also made his debut as a 14 year old in 1887 and is the youngest player ever to play the game. Don’t listen to them, they are lying. Moreover, most of them are pedophiles.
“Rapid Robert,” or Bob Feller to the layman was actually pretty successful as a 17 year old in 1936. He went 5-3 and struck out 76 in 62 innings.
Basketball
Andrew Bynum – I am not sure whether Kobe likes him now or not, but Kobe can’t take away the fact that Andrew is the youngest person, at 18 years old, (14 days younger than Jermaine O’Neal in his debut) ever to lace up a pair of Nikes in an NBA game.
Football
Amobi Okoye –Okoye was 20 and 91 days old when he suited up for the Texans this past season. He started college at age 16, graduated in three years and was drafted in the top 10. Oh yeah, he also emigrated from Nigeria at age 12 and picked up the game of football by playing Madden football. It took me four years to graduate and English is my first language. This guy is a complete show-off.
Soccer
Freddy Adu began his career with D.C. United as 14 year old, making him the youngest American athlete in 100 years to sign a pro contract. Unfortunately, he was a pretty big disappointment relative to how much he was hyped. However, he does score goals like this, so maybe there is something there:
There is also this little guy, 15 year old Martin Galvan, who plays for Cruz Azul of the Mexican leagues. Apparently he was offered a tryout by FC Barcelona, but he couldn’t make the trip. Get it together Galvan, this is the chance of a lifetime. These 15 year olds have no clue how to become a success.
When Pele laced up his boots for the 1958 World Cup as a 17 year old, he was the youngest player ever to do so. He scored a hat trick in the semi-finals and a goal in the finals to lead Brazil to the championship.
Gymnastics
Nadia Comaneci was 14 years 252 days old when she won the gold medal at the 1976 Olympics. She beat the best competition the gymnast world can offer at 14 years old. There has to be something wrong with your sport if you can’t get any better after age 16.
Nadia was not the youngest gymnast ever to compete in the Olympics however. That distinction belongs to 10 year old Dimitrios Loundrous, who competed for Greece, who apparently knew nothing of child labor laws, in the 1896 Olympics.
Golf
12 year old Alexis Thomas qualified for the U.S. Open in 2007. Although she didn’t make the cut, I have to give her credit, because I was still wearing young adult diapers at that same age.
Figure Skating
Tara Lipinski won the gold medal in the Olympics at age 15 with a come from behind victory at the Nagano games in 1998. Tara isn’t nearly as impressive as this chick, a 10 year old, who looks like she may qualify for the Olympics in a couple years. I can’t imagine there was one thing I actually good at when I was 10 years old. Actually, if picking your nose and eating it was an Olympic sport, I could have won bronze. The Indians and the Mongolians own that event.
Hockey
Bep Guidolin – In 1942, the league was desperate for people who could skate and people who weren’t 3,000 miles away fighting Germans. Bep fit both of these qualifications and actually had a solid season as a 16 year old playing a professional sports
Swimming
This 15 month old baby is the current record holder in the four meter underwater swim. This is the most impressive baby since Jason Kidd’s son, who holds the record for biggest head circumference of anyone under 40.
For clarity’s sake, I resent each and every one of the athletes above, including Jason Kidd’s son.
The Angry T
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